Patricia Hodge: ‘I wish I could say sorry to my husband’

The actor on dementia, red hair and the importance of manners

Born in Lincolnshire, Patricia Hodge, 71, trained as a teacher before studying at Lamda. Her television credits include Rumpole of the Bailey, Miranda and Downton Abbey. In 2000 she won an Olivier award for her performance in Money at the National Theatre. She is currently starring in the 20th anniversary revival of Michael Frayn’s Copenhagen at Chichester Festival theatre. She is widowed, has two sons and lives in London and Devon.

When were you happiest?
In the minutes, hours, days and weeks after having my children. I was 42 and 45. There’s nothing like new life.

What is your earliest memory?
Standing up in my cot in the corner of my parents’ bedroom; my father was singing the song of the moment, which was Put Another Nickel In.

Which living person do you most admire, and why?
The Queen. Her like has not been seen before and I doubt it will ever be again.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
My default position is to be a last-minuter. I work best under pressure and sometimes I leave things.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Lack of courtesy: I am really concerned about it in society. Children are just not taught manners. I spent the first 55 years of my life standing up for somebody else.

Property aside, what’s the most expensive thing you’ve bought?
My piano, a boudoir grand. I’ve played since I was six.

What is your most treasured possession?
The piano – I saved up for a long time.

Who would play you in the film of your life?
Saoirse Ronan, but she is far too stunning to be me.

What do you most dislike about your appearance?
I was a redhead and have incredibly pale colouring: my eyelashes are white and my skin burns like mad. Nowadays, people love having red hair, but when I was young, I felt like an alien being.

What did you want to be when you were growing up?
A ballet dancer, but it changed to being an actress when I got put in a school play.

To whom would you most like to say sorry, and why?
I wish I could say sorry to my husband, because I couldn’t save him from his dementia.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?
The person with whom I spent 40 years.

Whom would you invite to your dream dinner party?
Muriel Spark, Coco Chanel, Paul Newman.

What has been your biggest disappointment?
Not having four children.

If you could edit your past, what would you change?
Not applying myself enough at school.

When did you last cry, and why?
Two days ago, at a family wedding, remembering Richard, my cousin. He was 11 months younger than me and we were brought up like brother and sister for the first four years of our lives. He died of a brain tumour when he was 55.

What song would you like played at your funeral?
One of my favourite songs is Being Alive, from Company by Stephen Sondheim, but it would hardly be appropriate.

How would you like to be remembered?
I spent the earlier part of my life being late for everything, so there was a joke that my tombstone would read The Very Late Patricia Hodge.

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